Now it's different, now I know a girl (Knowing is a stretch, I actually never meet her in real life) and she has her life, her relationship everything, but every time I see just even a hint she is in a relationship, I feel a sharp pain in my chest, very specific, on the top of my ribcage almost at the height of the clavicle. It's awful, painful and a constant reminder that I'm just some contact in her phone and nothing more. That breaks me, I feel the beginning of tears and a knot on my throat but never passes from there.
I know the feeling is awful, but I also know that is on me. My own mind and heart just went too far on thinking someone so awesome would think of me in any other way than just some random contact. I will never act against her from jealousy, it's not her fault I dared to dream and got myself hurt.
I hate this feeling, writing works to ease the pain but it always come back. And even if someone would offer me to never known her in my life I would reject it, because I like to think I have helped her even a little, and will remain with her no matter how painful it gets.
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