Pain and Despair

Lately, the most beautiful woman in the world has been having trouble to connect to the internet, her cellphone died. But she connects every third day or so and I get a like or a message on the daily messages I send her. Also on the weekends she usually goes out so her messages might come until a later day, around Monday.

But this weekend was different, she told me she felt like a horrible person, and nothing cold be farther from the truth. She is wonderful, kind, strong, smart and talented in everything she does. But I had no answer after she said that to me. I really hope she is alright. 

Also, she has a boyfriend (or partner whatever) but since I know her she said she is polyamorous, which means I could be another boyfriend, right? Well I noticed way more activity of him acting all lovey dovey on IG since he started helping her on her own page. I don't know, might saw my messages and felt uncomfortable. Well I feel uncomfortable each time I see a picture of them together, so we are even. 

Well as they say, you don't choose who you love, and this ordeal of falling for someone at the other side of the ocean, with a boyfriend and me being not the greatest option for anything just gets me heartache and sleepless nights. But I wouldn't quit it for anything in the world, because if that's the price for having her in my life, I'll pay it gladly.