Not her problem

When I said that a friend helped me forget about my suicidal tendencies I didn't mean I was telling her any of that. For all she knows I'm a super upbeat guy trying to make her smile.

The way she helps me is that I can help her and we talk. That's it, as simple as that I just talk with her, try to make her smile and we spend time chatting. 

She knows nothing of my horrible life or the awful pit of despair my day to day is. And will never know. I prefer a million times she just stop seeing me online than burden her with worries she can't help with. She is my lifeline, but I'm the one who should worry not her.