Not her problem

When I said that a friend helped me forget about my suicidal tendencies I didn't mean I was telling her any of that. For all she knows I'm a super upbeat guy trying to make her smile.

The way she helps me is that I can help her and we talk. That's it, as simple as that I just talk with her, try to make her smile and we spend time chatting. 

She knows nothing of my horrible life or the awful pit of despair my day to day is. And will never know. I prefer a million times she just stop seeing me online than burden her with worries she can't help with. She is my lifeline, but I'm the one who should worry not her.

Suffer for them

When people tells you to think in all the people who knows you and how sad they will be if you kill yourself they are basically telling you, we prefer you to suffer instead of us.

Because none of them tries to listen to you, the all complain about you messing their lives and give you bullshit ideas they think will fix your whole life. And that just makes more evident how little they know you or even care, because you just need to be heard, I mean actually heard, but they just talk and get mad if you tell them they are not getting it.

The classic, you have ir all, or dome people have it worse. Even the look at that guy he is doing great. All of those are useless and make more harm than good.

I'll never understand why people think they are experts on what's in your head and in your life. But just makes you feel even more alone and lost.

Moving my rants over here

Yesterday a friend of mine was freaking out because was short on money, a lot of money. So I decided to do what I could to help, so I begged all my friends to help her, like 20 bucks each and would have done miracles, but basically everyone ignored it. But not only that, I got sermons from my family. I mean you don't feel comfortable just don't do it or say "Sorry but no" instead I was told "If she wants free money tell her to get a job" or "looks like a scam" or "Why do you care?" I mean I thought I was the heartless one.

Also I made a post on twitter to see if I could get anyone to help, explaining that since I talk to her I haven't got any suicidal thoughts. Which got sermons from my family on how wrong I was and how beautiful life is and all that bullshit. Also told me to go to therapy and get antidepressants. Which I think won't do shit, I'm not depressed, my life sucks it is a fact. I work a job which I hate and made less money than a maid. I can't even afford a rent with all the utilities. But hey, I get some drugs and will be a happy slave who will die on a gutter without anyone to remember me.

So as I mentioned before, I'll move my rants here, because nobody reads it so my family won't be bitching and whining about my mental health.