My room it's no longer my room.

I heard my sister say this phrase a few years ago. My mother had sold my sister furniture and put her things in boxes, so my sister's room was now a guest room. My sister was in shock, I didn't grasp the extend to it until I came back to Canada, and my brother had turned my old room into his office/warehouse. 

I had never had a space 100% mine until this place, and coming back, looking at how it is now under my brother's care hit me hard. Like everything I have ever done was worthless. 

It was a shock, but I'm getting used to it, I mean, everything I do turns to shit, why not the only place I felt at home?

What would you say to a suicidal person?

I'm actually asking. Because I have heard the stupid point of "You have so much to live for" Oh yeah? What? What do I have going on? What do I have in my favour? What do I have to live for? I'll tell you what... nothing.

I have no job, it was a shit job anyway. I have not a single soul how actually listen to me.

So, what would you say to me? What do I have that would be so great in the future?

Then again, nobody reads this so is a great way to blow off steam without worrying people, also if I kill myself, people will be able to read this and see it wasn't sudden and that the people close to me didn't want to see what was happening. 

Still here, still a parasite

So, I'm still a loser, my situation just get worse, I have no money and haven't even got 1 certificate to start my journey. On top of that the girl I love is getting through tougher times, so she now is isolating herself and I don't know if the messages I send her constantly even reach her. 

I'm ready to give up and I have no one to talk about it. Every one thinks I'm stupid, so they will talk down to me, lecture me and treat me like a child who missed behaved. Because, yes I have poured all my money to help her, yes I lose sleep for her, yes she has a boyfriend. But as they say, "You don't choose who you fall in love with" 

So yes, it's Wednesday, I have to do homework and still I'm sitting on the floor wasting time, writing an entry on a blog nobody reads.